3 guys went into a bar...

[DavidJoictuctort]

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

[Markoxx]

HAHAH so fucking true :D

[DefensorFortis]

So fucking true is right. Women, can't live with the bitches but you can't live without em' unless you're the poor mother fucker in the story.

[gremlin]

3 guys walk into a bar

englishman irishman and a scottsman

barman says is this a fuckin joke or what ?

[Stark]

A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, when a Chinese man comes in. The Jewish man jumps up and punches him in the face.
"Ouch!" the Chinese man says.
"What was that for?"
"That was for Pearl Harbour," the Jewish man says.
"But I'm Chinese!"
"Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?"
And the Jewish man sits back down.
A few minutes later, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face.
"Ouch!" the Jewish man says.
"What was that for?"
"That was for sinking the Titanic," the Chinese man says.
"Sinking the Titanic?? But that was an iceberg!"
"Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

[Mel]

An Irishman walks out of a bar....No, really....It could happen.

[ianstone]

7 out of 10. Mel

[acf6]

OH I give it 8 out of 10!!!!!

[ianstone]

Fair one a good 8/10

[angusnra]

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin', there's no paper on this side either".

[Mel]

:lol:

[ianstone]

I like that one, 9/10 for that joke

[Mel]

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said, "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!"

Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"

Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said, "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!"

Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in."

[scoutsout80]

A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says "That's cool, were did you get it?"

The parrot says "Africa"