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scoutsout80
02-02-2010, 03:43 PM
A retired Army sergeant was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for his loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind him asked if he had a dog.

What did she think he had an elephant? So since he was retired and has little to do, on impulse he told her that no, he didn't have a dog, hewas starting the Purina Diet again. He added that he probably shouldn't, because he ended up in the hospital last time, but that he'd lost 50 pounds before he awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of his orifices and IVs in both arms.

He then told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and he was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with his story.) Horrified, she asked if he ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned him. He told her no, he stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit them both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let him shop there anymore.

nastyleg
02-02-2010, 06:23 PM
The Difference Between the Infantry, the Artillery and the Armored

HAPPINESS IS . . .
Infantry: A good rifle
Armored: A big tank
Artillery: A loud boom

UPON HEARING FIREWORKS
Infantry: Cool, just like a live fire exercise
Armored: Not loud enough
Artillery: Fireworks? What fireworks?

OTHER TRADES
Infantry: Waste of rations
Armored: Waste of rations
Artillery: Waste of rations

IDEA OF FUN
Infantry: Not having to "pepper-pot" an entire grid square before the objective
Armored: Racing across a grid square on "full stab"
Artillery: Leveling a grid square

FAVOURITE SONG
Infantry: "Ballad of the Green Beret"
Armored: "Purple Haze"
Artillery: Anything, just play it LOUD!

BIGGEST LUXURY IN THE FIELD
Infantry: Engineers blowing trenches for them with C4
Armored: Grunts to dig their trenches for them
Artillery: Cable

A LONG ROUTE MARCH WITH FULL KIT
Infantry: 20 clicks
Armored: From the hangars to the tank
Artillery: What's a route march?

OFFICERS
Infantry: Are morons and should stay away from the trenchlines
Armored: Are morons and should stay out of the vehicles
Artillery: Are morons and should stay away from the gun lines

FAVORITE MODE OF TRANSPORTATION
Infantry: Anything but walking
Armored: Tanks. Tanks. Tanks. TankstankstankstanksTANKS!
Artillery: Don't you have to move around to require transport?

BIGGEST GRIPE IN THE FIELD
Infantry: The weather
Armored: Coffee maker in tank not working
Artillery: Only having basic cable

BREAKFAST IN THE FIELD
Infantry: I don't care what it is, just so long as I can sit down to eat it
Armored: Hot coffee and rum with a beer chaser
Artillery: Eggs over easy, crispy bacon, sausages, toast and Tim Horton's coffee

WHAT THEY CALL THEMSELVES
Infantry: Death Techs
Armored: Cavalry
Artillery: 10 Mile Snipers

WHAT OTHERS CALL THEM
Infantry: Grunts
Armored: Zipperheads
Artillery: Drop shorts

nastyleg
02-02-2010, 06:32 PM
What People Think

A house
a grunt sees it and has to clear it
a tanker sees it then by passes
a engineer sees it decides to blow it up

A trench
a grunt sees it and has to clear it
a tanker sees it then runs over it
a engineer sees it then decides to blow it up

A Machine gun nest
a grunt sees it and has to clear it
a tanker sees it and ignores it and lets the infantry deal with the pest
a engineer sees it then decides to blow it up

An Officer
a grunt sees it and ddhas to salute it
a tanker sees it and ignores it
a engineer sees it then holds back urge to blow it up

MickDonalds
02-03-2010, 01:06 AM
a engineer sees it then holds back urge to blow it up

Thank you.

GTFPDQ
02-03-2010, 05:03 AM
Fucking epic thread